Published: 2025-08-11

I laid down that night like any other, I was tired. Just 15 years old and already forced to work, that wasn’t fair, but again, when is life fair? Part of my sleeping time would be used to think about Laura, I liked to call it “regret time.” Another day goes by without me telling her how I feel, surely I’ll do it tomorrow, there’s no rush. She smiled to me again today, I felt as if time stopped for a second and we were the only two people in the world. I smiled back. I wonder if she felt the same? I mean, she must feel the same, right? I’ve been wanting for the perfect moment to tell her how I feel since I met her. Well. We haven’t “met” properly yet. She lives nears the place I work. I’d see her walk to the store or hang out with her friends around the neighborhood and that’d make me happy. Sometimes I want to talk to her, but I can’t leave my post. I wish I could, but what I wouldn’t even say? Probably nothing, like I’ve done so far… That time I did talk to her was magic tho, I told her she was cute, she smiled, and has been smiling to me ever since. Where did I find the courage to tell her that? When I think about that moment it feels like it was another telling her that. Certainly not me. I could never talk to girls like that. I wish I could, tho… She and her family are Jehovah’s witnesses, that’s scary! Would she still liked me if she knew I’m an atheist? Hell, does she even like me know? I don’t know. Fuck. I wish I knew… I don’t think it would make any difference tho, I mean, can I walk to her and tell her I like her? I don’t think so. And even if I could, then what? Ask her to be my girlfriend? Not in a million years! Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be… She’ll find someone, not me, for sure. They’ll go for ice cream on Sundays and talk on the phone until they fall sleep, or their parents tell them to shut up. Then one day I’ll see them, and get jealous, and clench my fist in rage. She won’t look at me, why would she? She’s been looking at me all this time, I think, and what has that accomplished… Yeah. I don’t think tomorrow I’ll find the courage I lacked today. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t like it. I’d really to…

Dear diary, today he smiled at me! I smiled at him and he smiled back, isn’t it divine? Every time he looks at me, with those small, honey-colored eyes of him, and gives me a lopsided smile, I feel like melting! I wish he’d hold me in his long, skinny arms. I wish he kissed me! I wish he talked to me! Nothing would me happier. Just talk me, please. I wonder if he thinks of me, at all? I wonder if he knows I exist? He must know, he once told me I was cute. My heart felt like leaving my chest, it would pound so quick. I’ll never forget how I felt. Maybe he was just only being polite. What if he already has a girlfriend? That’d crush me. But what other reason could it be for him to not talk to me? Maybe I, should talk to him. But even the thought of getting close to him is too much for me, I feel like I’d die. Please god, let him come to me. Please.

THE END.